Category Archives: Butchery

Fall — it’s for harvesting

There’s a quick flick of the wrist — a natural rhythmic motion one falls into when one is comfortable with a knife. The motion allows you to flick unnecessary bits out of the way so you can keep on task. So you can maintain the forward motion of cooking.

I was looking out the back window, the butcher block and the men, silhouetted in the doorway of the garage, when I saw Rob’s practiced flick. “There goes the head,” I said to Allie, who was with me in the comfort of the kitchen while the menfolk did their work outside.

Allie and I, and I guess the baby who was due last week so technically should be here, were cleaning up after an impromptu dinner I threw together once I realized everyone was coming over at 7:30 on a Friday — a time generally accepted as “dinner” if you are a Midwesterner.

Not ironically, I served chicken.

I served it in a dish I refer to as “Last Minute Chicken” because it is something I can cook without thinking and serve looking like I had been. It’s from Casa Moro. They call it “Chicken Fatee with Rice, Crispbread and Yoghurt.”

The awesome part of Last Minute Chicken is that you can cook the components ahead a bit and then just dump it all together at the last minute.  Clove-scented roasted chicken, cinnamon and garlicky tomato sauce, cinnamon-scented rice with sauteed onion and chickpeas, sauteed eggplant, a tossing in of crispbread in the bottom of the bowl, and drizzle of some garlicky yogurt on top. Oh, and a topping of roasted nuts. They specify pine nuts, I tend to use what I have, which is mostly Marcona almonds.

Unless it is bitterly cold, if I am going to serve a “one-pot” meal, I tend to prefer a dish with distinction in its parts. It offers textural variation that can make it feel like a complete meal itself, rather than just a bowl of something to eat because it is dinnertime.

That said, I forgot to pour the chicken juices over the crispbread so, unfortunately, it hadn’t soak up the juices when we all had started eating it.  Note to all: this is an important step! Miss it and your guests could, in fact, start ribbing you for putting bagel chips in your dish. It’s embarrassing and, without the bonding opportunities of the Fall harvest wrapped into the evening, could in fact leave a scar.

Thankfully, Rob was about to pull a drippy mass of unformed egg goo out of the butt-end of Pot Pie. Despite his meaty life, the experience seemed enough to distract his brain from what he demanded were bagel chips.  I live in a Middle Eastern neighborhood, for the love of all things holy, I can get my hands on various crackery breads at the corner store.

I guess I am scarred.

But at least I was not also scarred by the evening’s main activity, Pot Pie.

Indeed, it was a much different affair to have a butcher on-hand to navigate the way through the chicken. When I think back to that first night Friend X and I had together, all I see flashbacks I would very much like to forget. It was awkward and fumbling and, in fact, seemed very much more like teen sex than two consenting adults, carrying out a one of nature’s most natural acts.

When I think back on last night, the whole is something I’ll want to remember.

Mostly because the evening was really a glimpse into the community that can develop when food is honest.

Food is nourishment. Our very connection to the world around us — the earth and its flora and fauna — it is the nourishment of soul, the nourishment of friendship, the nourishment of body and the nourishment of humanity. In fact, when I think of the spiritual link that ties us all together — what you might think of as a higher power or a God — I think of the cycle of food and how it can enrich my days.

To me, it is that reverent.

It is why I choose to buy food grown by people I know — they become my congregation with whom I share values and beliefs. And why I choose to start with the raw ingredients of life when I cook — it is how I seek to understand the mysteries of my faith.

And it is why I appreciate the shared experience of a Fall Harvest, because my compatriots and I are practicing a ritual that connects us to one another in the most honest, and nourishing, of ways.

Pot Pie was one of the original chickens to come to my homestead. There were three and of them now there are none. I am sad, although I never much liked her and she seemed never to like me. She is being donated to a dinner this week, I think for a stew.

There are four chickens left: En Croute, who is my favorite because she is charming and loving; Mrs. Leghorn, who is standoffish at best; and Dumpling II, 1 and 2, who seem at once feisty and shy because I can’t ever tell them apart so their divergent personalities simply merge.

They will be joined by three chicks being picked up tomorrow.  And hopefully, soon, by rabbits if we ever get around to building the hutch. No one so much as brought up bees this year. I don’t know why though I imagine because the work of the vegetables can often seem like quite enough, thank you very much.

I wish this life, this opportunity to connect with the natural world so intimately, for everyone. I am sad when I realize so few even know what they are missing.

The Longest Dinner Party Prep

If I really think back, I am pretty sure I can confidently claim that the prep for tomorrow night’s dinner party began round ’bout October of last year.  It was then that Grant and I put the spinach seeds in the ground and prayed they overwintered in our new hoop house.

Tomorrow, I am making creamed spinach from that spinach, because it did not only survive but thrived, with ramps I picked yesterday at my secret ramp patch. Today, I am making goat cheese for the goat cheese ice cream.

Lately, it seems a lot of the meals I make start with recipes that begin, “make vinegar,” or “collect eggs,” or “churn some butter.” For this coming dinner party, specifically, the prep really began with the instructions, “find a good butcher and butcher a whole pig.”

Tomorrow is The Bessie Dinner.  A dinner to celebrate the pig that is Bessie, who I butchered with Rob Levitt of The Butcher & Larder, with help from Paul Fehribach who, depending on your particular experience, is either known as the chef of Big Jones or He of the Gigantic Whoopie Pies.

I’m excited, even if it means I have to clean the house, because that day was a special one to me, even though it was really seven solid days. I struggled, for certain, for an awful long time, cooking, cleaning, processing the various pig bits.

My grand plans for that pig wasn’t just in the eating.  It was in putting all the various instructions in this blog so others could learn from my mistakes and experience, is still a work in progress.  There are important things to know, like “buy 16 boxes of Morton’s Kosher salt!” and “Ammonia is the best grease cleaner known to beast and there will be a lot of grease so make sure you are prepared!” and, of course, “Weigh the leg before you salt it, for the love of all things holy.”

And I’ve enjoyed sharing my housemade and garage-cured salamis with people like Herb Eckhouse (his review: I didn’t die!) and Greg Hall (his review:  it was awesome, my dog licked up the grease that dripped off it) and of course, Rob Levitt, my butcher-mentor, who is reminding me every so often that I need to get to scheduling the lamb butchery.

Which won’t happen until the wood-burning oven is completely set up so I can wood roast the leg.

It was a few years back that I decided to try and grow and craft all my own food from scratch. Since then, I’ve hung salamis and hams in the garage, tackled hard cider and root beer, and experimented with breads of all kinds.  There’s raw milk cheddar curing in the basement and a Serrano Ham hanging from the rafters of my garage.  A copper still is on the way.

I never seem to get to the writing part.  Mostly, I am too exhausted after a dinner that includes shaking up a jar of cream for what seems like forever just to leave it out on the counter overnight to sour. But, I’ll keep trying to find the time.

And some day I’ll get to that wonderful Pig Page I envision, the one where I include all the recipes for all the prep for all the parts of Bessie.

Until then, I need to get back to this dinner.  It’s time to make the goat cheese so I can turn it into ice cream tomorrow.

The Bessie Dinner
Bessie Rilettes on Toast with Bitter Spring Salad (added, Pickled Jupiter Grapes, Hot Bessie Bacon Dressing)

Green Garlic Soup (if I can coax the garlic to grow more between now and Sunday. If not, no soup!) (changed:  Ramp Soup with Crème Fraîche served)


Joint of Bessie on a Platter with  Pere Jacques Vinegar Sauce
Salt-Roasted Potatoes
City Yard Farm Creamed Spinach with Ramps (added: garnish of quick-pickled ramps)
A few platter salads to make sure everyone eats their vegetables, origins unknown ((changed:  Thomas Keller’s fantastically delicious carrots from Ad Hoc at Home, Shaved Fennel, Parsley and Pickled Rhubarb Salad, Leeks Vinaigrette with Moutarde d’Albany Dressing)


Goat Cheese Ice Cream with Pig Candy (added, Rhubarb Sauce)


(Post Script:  I’ll admit to feeling a bit freaked out about serving the same ingredient in various courses. This is part of my attempt to be more easy going in my dinner parties.)

The Butcheress: In Pictures

For anyone interested in some fantastic photography of our pig butchering day, check out Grant Kessler’s Blog, My Foodshed.

The Butcheress: The Morning After (I need a pill!)

Yesterday, Rob Levitt from Butcher and Larder hauled a 200-pound pig in through my front door.  Her name was Bessie and she was in halves, one side for him and one for me. It took us all day to break it down — well, he can do it in about the time it takes to fry up a pork chop, but I slowed him down a bit.

Rob is opening a new butcher shop in Chicago, focusing on whole animals, procured from local farms.  So, while you can pop over to Paulina Market any day of the week (except Sundays) and get any cut you want, if you go to Butcher and Larder and the loin chops are gone, you can learn to appreciate the collar.

And that sums up Rob Levitt — on a mission to help you learn to appreciate the collar. And everything else.

I wanted to learn to appreciate the collar — the kidneys, the ribs, the bones, and everything else. And let me say right here — you butcher and process a whole animal, you learn to appreciate everything in a way you can’t if you buy it in parts.

Yesterday’s highlights:

  • Neighbor kids seeing what amounted to a dead body being carried from Rob’s car into my house.
  • Rob’s patience. Seriously.  He answered every single question, offered up the ingredients and method for every recipe question, encouraged me every step of the way, stepped in when needed and stepped away when wanted. I’ve tried to teach people to cook a bit in the past, you have to be a special kind of warm-hearted soul to not stab the person in a session that lasted, really 9 or so hours.
  • Standing before my half pig, and getting a flash of the live animal my pig once was.  I got a little light-headed, I’ll admit. But once you get going, it seems more about food than about the animal.  Not in a kind of way that should alarm PETA, but in a way that makes you understand what you are doing when you are eating pork shui mai.
  • Christening the “Curtis Duffy” cut — seriously, what is better, a few Michelin stars or having a whole, skin-on foreshank named after you? Chef Duffy should be proud of his newly christened meat cut.
  • Paul Fehribach from Big Jones, dutifully skinning every bit we threw at him.  Having an extra chef hanging about was invaluable. I am pretty much sure that statement can apply to everyday life and not just pig butchering.
  • The first taste of the pig, pan-fried something or other that Rob referred to as a steak piece, served atop corncakes with homemade chow chow from last summer’s green tomatoes. OK, I was super excited when Paul Fehribach claimed my chow chow was super D.
  • Having to make corncakes because when I asked Paul F. a basic recipe for Johnnycakes, he started explaining that the corn flour needed to be the sifted remains of grits.  He is rather specific. He was also quite interested in my making my own baking powder for said cakes, which was a daunting task with half a pig covering my entire countertop.
  • Just how exhausting the whole thing butchering thing was. My god Rob has to be in good shape and, though I am sure it will alarm feminists, it became obvious to me why most butchers are men.  Or at least not women who sit in front of computers all day.   After cutting out the flank and skirt, which is step two after leaf lard, I was having trouble forming sentences; by the time I was done with my Serrano-style ham cut, I was getting confused about how one even eats Serrano (unm, slice and eat); and at the end of the day (which was like 6:30 p.m.), I had dark circles under my eyes and was trying to throw everyone out of the house so I could go to bed.
  • Tasting ciccioli, which are the traditional bits of pork that are rendered off leaf lard. Amazingly delish. Seriously incredible. You need to get your hands on some. No, you can’t have any of mine.  Well, Grant can, because he shares in a lot of my food.
  • Paul Fehribach’s homemade moon pie. There is nothing more to say about that.
  • Realizing at midnight when I woke up, that I hadn’t drank any water and had eaten breakfast, a scooby snack, a piece of ciccioli and half a moon pie all day, and that was it. Today, I am drinking water.
  • Waking up to a fridge full of pork, knowing the downstairs fridge was also full-up and the garage had sheet pans of hams and bacons and other bits lying about. This is a lot of freaking pig!

Here’s what I am doing with the parts, pretty much. Ish.

Head — boiled (with the eyeballs!)  to make head cheese, which I am putting up. Even Rob seemed excited about the prospect of canning headcheese so it wil be shelf-stable. I am not looking forward to picking the meat off the head, dealing with the tongue. Fun Sunday.

Heart and Kidney — I am working on getting a fejoada recipe from John Manion, who is the king of fejoada in Chicago. Rob suggested it so I could deal with the bits I am not hugely excited to eat and also pressure can it so it can be eaten later. John informed me that the fejoada is more about smoked head bits than niggly offally bits, so I am improvising on his authentic Brazilian dish. I’ll call it Nuevo Latino cuisine.

Pork Bones — roasted, making into stock and pressure canning, so it is shelf-stable.

Leaf Lard — we rendered it, creating cicciolis, that we shoved in jars and covered with fat.  They are amazing. I think one should buy leaf lard just to make these things.  But the bonus is that leaf lard is also perfect for making short pastry dough.  I am gonna use the short pastry dough to make a pork pie.  Yum.

Rack — the notes for that cut is that it is the “fancy” bit.  Of course, if you buy the whole pig, well, the rack costs as much as the tongue or, even, the eyeballs.  So, it is odd to think of some of it being fancy. That said, I am having the butchering crew back over for dinner shortly and we’ll sup on this as a centerpiece to the night.

Lomo — I am not sure where this comes from, and frankly, I pretty much forgot what piece I am supposed to use, but it is to cure for two weeks, then smoke. As soon as I figure out which piece it is, I’ll get right on that.

Sausage — we’re dry curing all of it.  Some hot, some not hot.  For pizza, for snaking, because I love salami.  I am grinding it at Rob’s shop because there is a lot to grind.

Tenderloin — it was cured for part of the afternoon, then I am smoking it. Rob kept suggesting sandwiches for it. I have some apple chutney in the pantry I put up last Fall so that seems pretty exciting, though I really wanna make sure I use the right bread.

Shanks — we called it the “date cut” because it is perfect for two. It is re-christened the “Curtis Duffy Cut.” Brined for a few days in a coriander brine and then confit.  Rob said it would last in the cure until Curtis Duffy asked me out on a date, which basically means this stuff while last until the next century.

Skin — there was a lot of discussion during the day about chiccerones.  It was decided that dehaydrating them, at least partially over smoke, is the key to deliciousness. I have a ton of pig skin, lovelingly cut off the shoulder, belly and everywhere else by Paul Fehribach. I’ll have much opportunity to achieve perfection!

Ribs of all shapes and sizes (except the tips!) — I’ll be making Allie’s Award-Winning and, I understand, Cancer-Curing Ragu. Enough said. Lauren Polkow has to come over and make handmade pasta to complement it.

Rillette — my favorite thing on earth. I am making a lot of it. A whole shoulder, at least. Probably more. It is relatively shelf stable if kept covered with fat.  That said, for the sake of science, it was agreed that I should pressure can some just to see if that makes it more shelf stable.

Bacon — I am making straight up bacon with one belly and pancetta with the other.  I am pretty adept at bacon, so this should be the easy part.

Hams — I am making two. A straight up country ham that will hang a year in the garage and develop a satisfying funk and a Serrano.  This is my third attempt at Serrano.  But this time I have a butcher mentor! For those who need to know, essentially, the difference is the cut (Serrano has more meat hanging off and also has a hoof on. I am sure the spice mixture is a bit different, too.).

Collar — I am confiting one half and stuffing and roasting the other half, Austrian-style. OK, I am not too sure if this is the collar, but there are two pieces, one from each half, and I am doing the above to those.

Rib Tips — Yum. Gonna roast these in the soon-come wood-burning oven.

English Bacon — There was some cut we worked really hard at getting right so I could make a molasses-cured English-style bacon like I ate every Sunday morning when I lived in London.  And I mean Every. Sunday. Morning.  — I. Can’t. Wait.

This morning, the morning after, I woke up at 5 am to get started.  I brought everything back up to room temp to start, then

  • Tossed the roasted yesterday bones into a stock pot for pork stock
  • Am confitting the shoulder bits in my crock pots, to be a little easier.  Not sure how Rob is going to feel about that.
  • I tossed the tenderloin into the smoker and am rather eagerly awaiting that, because I am starving.
  • I browned off the ribs in the same pans from the bones, since it saved a cleaning step, and tossed in while wine, garlic, whole frozen Roma tomatoes from the freezer (thanks Grant!) supplemented by some tomato paste, Bay, thyme, coriander seed, whole black pepper and water. That’s cooking in a low oven overnight.
  • I’ll be dealing with the hams next, which will be cured for a few days in a cedar box Grant made me from old fencing. Then, I’ll start the bacon cure.
  • Last, I shoved the head outside, since I just couldn’t deal with it yet.  I’ll likely tackle that tomorrow.
  • Sausage grinding Tuesday.
Seriously, it has helped that I have a culinary degree, for certain. It also helped that I have a rather well-stocked kitchen, so when Rob needed the equivalent of about 5 feet of cutting board, I could accommodate.
But what I didn’t have before I started this project was a real clear understanding of just how deliciously versatile a whole pig is.  I am so used to pork chops, the occasional shoulder and, probably, the odd tenderloin I buy out of habit and then hate because it is so lean.
Until yesterday, I have been missing out on a lot.

The Butcheress: Condemned by a seven year old

The other day, a seven year old called me a murderer.

Gebriel was dead serious. His blue eyes looking up from his iPhone game for a minute to meet mine, straight on, and deliver a moral stare. He delivered this judgment upon hearing about my project to learn how to butcher a pig.  He felt it was wrong to cut up a whole pig for the eating.  He wanted me to know.

Gabriel’s favorite book is Omnivore’s Dilemma. He eats Happy Meals. I’d say the dilemma is his, not mine.

I didn’t point that out, since he is just seven.

But you can be sure I’ll be watching out for this kind of inconsistency when he is 17 and decides to pass judgment on me!

Behold, Bessie!  She’s arrived at the butcher’s shop and is awaiting her trip to my house in the morning.

I was told that the inspectors put the k-bosh on my getting Bessie’s blo0d for sausage.  An interesting point since, of course, we are smack dab in a national debate about Happy Meals — some people think that regulating Happy Meals is too much government.

So, poisoning kids with manufactured food-like substances that are proven to cause diabetes, heart disease, obesity and probably some of the ADD that seems to be raging thru our youth is OK.  Allowing an adult to procure the nutritious blood of a pig she is purchasing whole from a responsible farmer so she can make an age-old recipe of blood sausage is illegal.

And Gabriel calls my morals and values into question.

In other news: I have no freaking idea how I am going to eat this much pig.  Rob Levitt of Butcher and Larder, the butcher, has some loose plans but apparently is pretty much arriving with a pig and some casings and, well, the general knowledge of a guy who has been cutting up whole animals for a while now.

My goal, really, is to try and preserve most of it in shelf stable jars, make a lot of cured salamis, make a cured ham or two (Grant made me a box for curing hams, and it is really beautiful) and then try and get over the emotional trauma I generally feel when faced with offal.

Because I generally feel emotional trauma when faced with offal.

I was talking to a chef friend the other day about it and he was aghast at my admission.  I think he has secretly known about my feelings for offal, but he chooses to ignore them and serves it up anyway.  He isn’t being mean, he seriously knows what he is serving me is all kinds of delicious and he loves it so much he wants to share.

“Haven’t you had the tripe here, Ellen.  If you had it here you would love it.  We make amazing trip.”  Yes, chef, I have the tripe here.  I am pretty sure it was the first dish I ever ate at this restaurant of yours  and you made it yourself.  It was delicious. But still.

But still.  Really, that is the problem with our food supply.  The fact that we, as a nation, have developed so many freaked out ideas about food — so many of them hokum, clouded by a corporate cloak or just plain ol’ stupid  — that we pay more attention the the quality of gas in our cars than the quality of food.

(Haven’t you or someone you known not gotten gas somewhere because you didn’t think the gas was “good enough?”)

Today, The Atlantic wrote that Smithfield, the largest pork producer in America, tortures pigs (they seemed surprised, which is curious).  And the food safety bill looks like it isn’t going to pass.

Seems like a good day for me to consider my pig.  Raised humanely by family farmers and likely big enough to keep me fed the better part of a year.

The Butcheress: I have named the pig!

So, I wrote on this blog a few days ago about the butcher project I am planning with Rob Levitt of The Butcher & Larder.  I am super excited and squeamishly freaked out at the same time.  But I did name the pig:  Bessie.  I name my chickens and they’re gonna end up in the pot at some point.  Why not honor the pig with a name.  In fact, I think all eating animals should be named.  It gives them a bit of soul and “personness” that industrial animals can’t even hope for.  It gives the eater just enough of a reminder that the meat was, in fact, an animal that gave it’s life.

I am also doing a lot of research on what I want to do with said pig. Rob posted a “project list” on his blog.  Awesome start I used to as a base for the final plans, which seem to be taking a decidedly ancestral tone.

First off, blood sausage.   The first time I encountered it was at Carlos’ when I was a cook there.  Carlos love it, probably above all other foods, if memory served.  It was made by our sous chef, a jerktastic guy from Toulouse who made fantastic cassoulet and salad dressing that I know of.  I have no idea if his blood sausage was any good.

I imagine he didn’t make Irish-style blood sausage with oatmeal.  And this is what I want to make.  It is served with Irish brown bread and eggs and thick bacon rashers for breakfast (lunch or dinner).  So, this is definitely going on the list. I am pretty sure that can go in the freezer so I’ll want to make and freeze that straight away.

Next on the list, Rob mentioned that step one is removing the kidneys, leaf fat and inner skirt and thin flank. Well, fancy this: I discovered that there is a traditional Irish dish called Skirt and Kidneys that’s served with mashed potatoes and boiled rutabaga.  Paul Kahan, a lover of despised vegetables, turned me onto rutabega, so I might use a recipe from him instead of “boiled” and I make the best mashed potatoes on earth, according to my friend’s seven year old kid, Samara. So, I am definitely going to go with this dish for a little dinner that first night.

The fact that a super cutting edge, fancy pants butcher lists out step one of a pig butchery project and in that step is a centuries old dish is thrilling to me.  It is what I wanted to learn, I think, when I thought about doing this project to begin with because I am not religious in any way — in fact, I abhor it — but do feel that there is a spirituality that can be brought to every day by respecting food traditions and, well, food itself.

So many dishes were created out of habits and need the seasonal repetitions of preparing certain foodstuffs gave a cadence to life while also connecting one to the earth.  And I think we all forgot that in the age of Lean Cuisine and fast food.  I mean, it is hard to really engage in noticing our food system is whacked if one eats a microwaved hot pocket.  The tradition of food is lost and, really, I think a good portion of the spirituality of life is lost with that. Not just for foodies.

In fact, I think understanding that very fact is a problem for non-foodies more than foodies.

Another thing I’d like to plan on for my pig butchery adventure:  white pudding. It is made with liver, lungs and heart.  Seriously, I don’t want to eat sauteed pig heart.  Really.  I don’t care how good you make it, any of you out there.  But I would try the white pudding as it seems innocuous.  Sorta a The Sneaky Chef approach to offal, sure, but whatever, it is not like I am putting vegetables in brownies — this is a historic recipe with centuries under its belt.

Finally, I discovered traditional Irish brawn, which I think can be preserved under fat and looks enough like rillettes to possibly make me forget it isn’t.  I was thinking I would pot up the brawn in little French terrine jars and stack them in my basement pantry.

I have lots more research to do, but I am getting a little excited. Even for offal.  Which makes me think Rob is making his point after all.

The making of a butcherress

Of late, I’ve been obsessively watching every episode of every season of Hugh Fearnley-Whittenstall’s River Cottage — Escape to, Return, Forever, Beyond, Summer, Fall, I am watching them all. All the while. I am simultaneously faux-ordering all his books on Amazon.  (I can only faux order as I am brokeasaurus and the gal who keeps my books in order keeps me on a tight leash.)

Of course, despite now growing food in a winter hoop house in my backyard and also keeping backyard chickens (bees some year soon, swear!), there’s a reality to the fact that I live on a (only) slightly oversized Chicago city lot and the likelihood, at my age, that I will be able to be a proper downshifter (HFW has the most charming terms for things), is not likely.

But a girl can dream.

And I think I was dreaming this morning when I woke with the idea that since Rob Levitt is soon opening a sustainable, whole animal butcher shop, I could likely convince him to teach me how to butcher and use a whole animal. The idea that, as I continue to learn to make my own food, from scratch, I could, this year butcher a pig, half a cow (anyone want go in on some home-butchered meat?) , then a sheep this year.

I am fascinated by the idea, frankly.  For one, I can’t (emotionally) stand offal. To be honest, I secretly feel like I am dying just a bit inside when a chef trots out his famous corned beef heart, luscious tripe casserole or, horrors,  just a hunk of plain old sauteed WTF on a plate with a little parsley garnish. I have to eat it, it seems very nearly my job to do so, but I hate ever minute of it.

That said, I usually, technically, like it.  I gobbled the head cheese at Lupa, even if I dug in because I was at lunch with a French chef who I am quite sure would have ridiculed me for demurring.  And while I cringe at the thought of foie gras, I can admit, back when I was cooking professionally, to having my chef take “foie terrine” off my place list because I tended to eat too much of it when it sat on my station.

I’m a hypocrite, surely, but then again everyone is about something, usually they don’t admit it.  But I would like to admit — and conquer — my hypocrisy.

But there is more to it than that.  I do have rather intense “food issues.”  While I ignore them if I am really strung out and upset (when Hawaiian Punch and a McDonalds hamburger meal seems to soothe me in a childlike way), I usually can’t manage to eat industrial food, unless I am a guest at someone’s house.  The thought of the crap that goes into the chicken feed or and the horrendous conditions of livestock rearing in this country — seriously, it is no wonder we have so many asthmatic, diabetic and ADD-riddled kids, they are growing up eating chemical compounds that I swear are not acceptable for use in warfare by the Geneva Convention!

Maybe I exaggerate.  But I was talking to Mike Lata this week and he, too, some food issues.  He admitted to not being able to eat in airports.  It made me feel better, considering that I get near panic attacks when the captive audience of an airport food court.

And this, really, is why I am trying so hard to grow my own vegetables, raise chickens, can my own prepared food and learn how to make ingredients, like fresh butter, ketchup and worchestershire sauce, sport peppers (for my bloody mary’s), whatever. And why I am thinking that procuring and just eating one pig, one half cow (really, who wants some cow from chez Ellen?) and one sheep this coming year could be a revelation.

OK, it could also make me a vegan.  But Jimmy Choo doesn’t come in vegan yet, does it?

So, stay tuned, because Rob said, “Yes!”

P.S.: Uh, Grant? You out there? I need a wooden box made for curing a ham. Stat.

I’ll take my coq au vin in private, thank you

The yard is quiet this morning.  And maybe it is me but there seems an energy gone.  I worry about Nugget, First Wife of the now refrigerated Kung Pao.  I am convinced, as she stands alone on a perch in the yard, that she is pining for her beloved BFF turned husband.

I haven’t been too sure how to approach this post, which should be called The Aftermath.

Do I detail out the dark comedy that transpired?  The dogs, the selection of the dark corner where we did the deed, the emergency call from a friend who needed a restaurant reservation in the middle of it, the frantic calls to chefs and farmers as our ignorance bubbled to the surface.

Do I delve deep into the how the whole experience laid bare the quirks and ticks in each of our psyches?  For I am now sure that internal conflict for some reason makes me not want to shower. And I was curious to find someone with more unreachable standards of perfection than even me.

Or do I speak now about my feelings toward hunting, feeling I have earned the right?  Or about grocery store shopping, cause I have earned that right too?  How one can not really understand the moral obligations of either act until one has raised and killed one’s dinner.

In fact, I earned a lot of rights last night.  But I also earned some wisdom, I think.

And so I will leave it all at that.